Recently, I hear more and more that people only see my output, my ‘successes‘. It is a reaction in the great meetings I have, now I am more open and share more about the complex processes behind what I deliver. People start realising that it is not ‘just’ happening for me, but that there is a clear pathway that I am following to make things happen as I 100% feel and visionalise them.
I share with them how I am having a constant focus on who, what and where I want to be in life and overcoming every single fear and limitation I face in myself. And let’s not forget: where I had to come from to be able to live this life. One of my biggest life struggles has been: expressing myself. And it was not until two years ago, that I overcame that struggle.
This journey of ‘pure expression’ has been the deepest, most complex, challenging and greatest one of all my real life journeys. But it brought me to the point where I dared to stand up for and embrace who I truly am. I learned to live a life that is ‘flowing from my inner source‘. And yeah, I definitely want more of this !
How I got to this point ?
To begin with: I have great parents. They gave me and my two brothers a lot of space to explore and make our own choices, whilst guiding us with faith, a positive mindset and a critical perspective beyond our own. That’s definitely a good start in life. So far so good !
When I was a child in primary school, I loved to be on stage. I liked dancing and acting. I also liked writing stories and reading them in front of an audience. I was shy, but I felt great and free-flowing when doing these things.
But when I was in high school and university, I was forced to deliver output on facts and to memorize information. To write about what fits in the box, to give speeches about subjects that are totally irrelevant in living life. And to write exams on what I learned from books, whilst these were not matching real life as I faced it.
The consequence ?
Because I have an open attitude and adapt easily to the context I am in, to ‘the common’ around me, I learned to perform as expected and I learned to be a master in hiding my discomfort whilst doing.
But these external expectations confused me, because it was not natural for me. I can best describe it with the feeling that I had to act from the ‘outside in‘ and not ‘from the inside out‘. No teacher noted, because my grades and performance were always good. But deep down inside, I got more insecure by the year and I stopped flowing.
I even developed a fear for public speaking, because how I was forced to do things, just did not feel right for me. I totally lost pleasure in expressing myself, because the topics I was interested in and how I observed life, were not matching what was expected most of the time. ‘Being misunderstood‘ is the red line in my life story and caused many limitations in myself, preventing me from flourishing in my full potential for many years.
To summarize: traditional education contributed to 15 years of performing in work, not matching who I truly am.
But I also discovered there is tremendous value in experiencing contrast / counterforce, because it teaches you exactly what you don’t want. So all the misfits and realising what I didn’t want, in the end helped me to grow very solid in exactly knowing what I do want and need.
And in the mean time, people called me impatient, too ambitious, too pigheaded and a lot of other projections that ………….. most of the times mirror their own narrow mind, fears or lack of capacity.
But if you hear things often enough throughout life, you start to believe what is said about you instead of trusting your own inner voice. I learned to adapt myself to what others expected. Again, and again, and again.
Fortunately, I am very stubborn too. So simultaneously with the struggles, I kept believing in a different pathway. It took a few years, but I turned myself totally inside out and upside down. Re-building myself from scratch and re-connect to that pure and flowing child in me. And year by year, I grew in ‘being the alternative‘ of the type of education that limited me:
Someone who is mastering real-life-learning and supporting you in ‘how to learn your language of life‘, 100% connected to your personal life story.
Never ever give up, if you feel something grander in yourself than society defines for you – CaDo